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This year represents a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop communication with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed guide to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal traits indicating a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions validate your decision to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately shut down any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic act.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {